She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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