Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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