Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
