"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
