Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
