I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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