This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
