I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
