2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
