So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
