Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can text with my tongue
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
