she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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