is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
