oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
