I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
