So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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