three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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