I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
