my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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