wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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