there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
