his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
