and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
