i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
