Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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