I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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