The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
