I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
