Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
