her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
