I got chris browned last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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