And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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