True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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