it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize