i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
