No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
