Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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