i already hear my dad disowning me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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