I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
