I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
