i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Drunk is a universal language darling
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
