She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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