I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
