he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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