after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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