some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
