Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
