That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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