it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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