it was like his penis was on wheels.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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