Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
