I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
