No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
