i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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