he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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