nut hugger
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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