in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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