2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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