i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
