You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize