I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
