okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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