It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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