i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
