i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
