It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
