no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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